by Shelley Stile 

Your divorce decree is only step one in moving into a new life after divorce.  The real divorce is the cutting of the emotional, mental and physical ties that still bind you to your ex-husband.  This is the real work of divorce recovery: becoming a single woman possessed of confidence, self-esteem, an enthusiasm for life and most important, a complete break from the emotional turmoil that led to your divorce in the first place.

All too often, women experience the same conflicts with their ex that originally led to divorce: constant arguments, reactive behavior leading to emotional upsets, old patterns of reliance, the barrage of destructive barbs aimed at your self-esteem and deep hurts.   To truly be divorced you must put forth great effort and inner work that will sever your ties to your ex and you must build a structure that will facilitate that work.

Let me give you examples: You and your ex have children together therefore you must be in contact with one another on a regular basis.  Unfortunately, your discussions with him always end in an argument.  Nothing happens easily.  The deep resentments and hurts suffered in your marriage and actual divorce remain intact.  You each know each other’s hot buttons and continue to push those buttons resulting in upsets.  It’s the old marriage still running the game. You continually get sucked into this abyss.

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By Shelley Stile

Do you remember the old adage that states there’s your side, there’s my side and then there’s the truth?  If we were totally honest with ourselves, we too could see the truth of any situation.  Once we accept that truth, we have the newfound freedom to gain clarity, discover our options and make real choices that are based in reality and not a subjective interpretation of what is.  The past no longer runs the show.  A world of possibilities opens that we might otherwise have missed.  To recover from divorce one must face the truth.

The gist of the adage is that we don’t really see reality for what it is. Rather we see things through our interpretive abilities and we interpret things based on our past experiences. Reality gets fine tuned through our own personal filters. We live in a world based on the past, a world that no longer exists.

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Shelley Stile ~ Life Coach/Divorce Recovery for Women

The way to recover and thrive after divorce is simple: Until you can release the toxic emotions surrounding your divorce, it is impossible for you to move forward in life and be happy.  It takes enormous commitment and effort but it can be achieved.  If you want to lead a new life that is both fulfilling and happy, you must let go of the negative emotions and thoughts that hold you back from creating a life you love.  And guess what else?  Who do you suppose pays the biggest price when it comes to toxic emotions?  You.

During the divorce process, the negative emotions that you were already experiencing in your marriage go haywire!  During times of crisis, our world appears to crumble and with it our concept of whom we are. Our mind chatter turns up the volume to deafening levels.  We question everything.  We feel emotions so intense that we often wonder if we will survive them.  Anger, sadness, depression, rage, grief, resentment, bitterness, and confusion are some of the feelings we are hit with.  

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By Isaac Schaver, M.D.

Getting divorced is difficult. Getting clean is difficult. Getting both clean and divorced is downright painful! Yet, some people make it. If done for the right reasons, recovery from this "double whammy" can lead to a new and fulfilling life. I know from personal experience.

Let's take first things first, which means getting clean first. There can be no rational decisions, sound thinking, or good judgment while one is high or under the influence. A reasonable period of sobriety is a must before important decisions can be made.

So what does getting clean mean? And what does it take? Every user must ask him or herself the question, "Am I addicted?" (FACT: The substance can be alcohol, drugs, or any mood altering chemical that is assimilated into the body). How does one answer that question? The experts suggest a lot of answers, ranging from a detailed analysis of personal habits and patterns of behavior to "If you think you might be one, you probably are." Personally, I think that when someone continues to use in the face of negative consequences, one is addicted. If a person honestly answers "yes" to "Does using cause me difficulties?" and "no" to "Can I really stop when I want to," in my view, that individual is addicted.

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By J. Richard Kulerski

A case is contested if the parties cannot agree and every one of the issues involved in their particular situation. Common areas of disagreement include, but are not limited to, the following: grounds, custody, visitation, division of assets, child support, maintenance (alimony), payment of family debts, contribution toward educational expenses (college or parochial), payment of health insurance for the dependent spouse, income tax structuring, etc.

When a divorce case is filed, it is given an identification number and is deemed by the court to be a matter that will ultimately require trial time in order to resolve all issues. Cases are generally called for trial in the order in which they were filed.

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